maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
