This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
