it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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