My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
