she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize