I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize