go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
