so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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