who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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