The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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