they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
