The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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