I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize