She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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