i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
