also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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