just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
