Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize