just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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