final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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