I hope mine doesn't look like that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize