Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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