He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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