I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
