on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
