Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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