I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
