I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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