yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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