I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
