I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
