i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
