You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
