Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
