That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
