Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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