party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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