I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
