We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Houston, we have a squirter
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
