Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize