is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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