I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this just has baby written all over it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
