Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
