Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
