Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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