Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
