I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
