They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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