i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
