I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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