Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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