having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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