I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize