No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
