dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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