I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
