I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
