Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The uberlube is also flammable
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
