I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
