I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
