Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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