i think i have two assholes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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