I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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