Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
