I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
