you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize